When I found out I was pregnant, I felt very nervous. It was not expected. I felt very overwhelmed. My first thought was I was going to keep it. I never considered adoption, never thought that I could be so strong to do so.
I didn’t decide on adoption or keep whether to keep the child until after 20 weeks. Then I knew that it was the best thing for me. But I was very, very overwhelmed. I learned about adoption through a pregnancy lifeline when I went to go get proof of pregnancy and she showed me some families and that’s when I started considering it.
I still have my doubts, I didn’t really know about it, I was nervous about it, I kind of kept it in the back of my mind, and I didn’t really want to think about it, because I, like I said, I didn’t think I was strong enough for that, but as time went passed I started feeling a lot different about it.
I was mostly comfortable with it, I would have to say when I actually chose the family. I had doubts of it, because like I said, I never thought I’d be that strong enough, but when I picked the family out, that’s when I knew for sure.
When I was looking at the families, it was very nerve-wracking for me. But the first one I read, I knew they were for me. I felt it. I felt comfortable, I felt like I already connected with them emotionally and that I had already known them. Everything changed from then on out. I was excited about it, I actually wanted to talk about it more. I didn’t feel like, “oh people are going to judge me.” Because, at that point, I didn’t care. I was so comfortable with it.
She just had a lot of stuff that I would want in a mother, as I would want in myself if I was as stable as them. She fit everything to a T—staying home with the baby and being there for it. And she had kids of her own, so she knows how emotional it can be.
Meeting them for the first time, I was very, very nervous. But, I was excited and I felt very connected to them. Legacy has helped me through my pregnancy by supporting me emotionally, being there for me any time I need them. When I need to talk, I call my counseling. She’s always been there for me and supportive, everything that I’ve doubted, she’s explained everything for me from the beginning to the end.
She told me, Nettie, if you start to feel uncomfortable, you let me know so we can talk about it. She was just a friend, there to talk, more than how I can counsel you on this, what do you want to talk about. No, she was there for me as a friend. She told me whatever I felt, go with my instinct. If I was uncomfortable, I didn’t have to do it.
My plans for the future are, after I have this child, go back to school and better myself as a mother and a person so I can raise the other two like this one’s going to be raised by her new mother. If you’re doing it for the right reasons, it’s a lot easier than you think it is. It is selfless, but at the same time, you’re not only doing it for you. You have to show yourself you’re not only doing it for you. And, like I said, when I met my parents, I felt a lot more comfortable with it and just don’t be scared. You have to remind yourself why you’re doing it and do it for the right reasons.