I have always loved being a dad.

My 2 oldest children have been the light of my life. When I found out that my girlfriend was pregnant I was overjoyed. We were making plans and life was going well for us at the time. We made the decision to move up north when I received a job offer there. It was a great job and we were happy to be starting a new life in a new state. When our baby was born it was just me and my girlfriend in the hospital. I cut her umbilical cord, put her first diaper on her and swaddled her in her first blanket. I was taking a ton of pictures and sending them to friends and family back home. It was an awesome time in my life and I was very proud to be a father for the third time.

It wasn’t long after the baby came that I lost my job. My girlfriend wasn’t working and this took a huge toll on our relationship. We decided that moving back to Texas would be best for all of us. We packed up our car and made the long drive back home. It was a very stressful trip and it strained our relationship to the point of breaking it. When we reached Texas my girlfriend moved out and took our daughter with her.

This began an emotional roller coaster ride between me and her and our daughter was in the middle. It was not a good situation for any of us but particularly for my daughter. Her mom was not in a position to mother her and said to me that she wanted to place the baby for adoption. At first I was one hundred percent against. I felt that I could be all the parent she needed and that I would do it on my own if I had to but I also felt strongly that my daughter needed and deserved a stable and consistent home with two parents. I agreed to talk with the counselors from the adoption agency.

I’m not ashamed to admit that I cried almost the entire time we counseled with them. It was almost impossible to think about allowing someone else to raise my daughter. I had already spent nearly two months with her. As I considered adoption and the state of things in our lives I came to the conclusion that adoption was going to be the best thing for my daughter, even though it was going to break my heart. I didn’t want her to grow up in a broken and unstable home. I wanted to give her everything that I could so I decided that adoption was the best option for her.

The day I signed the papers and said “see you later” to my daughter was by far the most difficult day in my life. I thought my heart was never going to heal. Letting her go was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. I knew then, just as I know now, that I was putting my daughters needs above my own desires and that I was making the right and loving decision for her.

The first couple of weeks after the adoption was the hardest. Even though I am peaceful in my heart about the decision I made it has still been a painful grieving process. I was very happy to get the first update letter and pictures from her adoptive parents.

I look forward to seeing my daughter each year around her birthday. It is important for me as her father that she knows how very much I love her and that I made this decision for her out of that love.