It’s no secret that adopting a child is one of the best gifts you could ever give them. It can also be a life changing time for you as an adoptive parent. However, talking about adoption isn’t always easy, and it’s important to realize that the way you talk to your child about adoption can have a lasting affect on their identity if not executed properly. Here are some do’s and don’ts of talking to your child about adoption.

Do: Start from the beginning

When discussing your child’s adoption story, don’t start at the moment you adopted them. About 45% of adopted children lived with their birth family before being adopted, so start with the story of their birth parents. Use age-appropriate terminology and explanations and keep an open mind. For toddlers, use simpler explanations, such as, “Your parents loved you but they knew they couldn’t give you the care you needed, and they wanted to find parents who could give you all the love you deserve.” After that, discuss your personal feelings about their adoption. Again, keep it simple: “We wanted to add a special member to our family by adopting. We were so excited to meet you and we’re so happy you’re in our life.” Make sure to emphasize that there’s nothing wrong with the child.

Don’t: Make your child feel as though their adoption is their identity

Even if you mean it as a term of endearment, don’t refer to your child as your “adopted child” —
it could make them feel like they’re inauthentic. Instead of labeling, use positive language, such as, “the day we adopted you was the best day of our lives!” This is important not only when talking to your child, but when talking to anybody.

Do: Initiate conversations and encourage questions

As your child ages, they’ll surely become more curious about their adoption and their birth parents. However, they may be shy about asking you if they’re not completely comfortable around you just yet. That’s why you should start an open discussion from time to time and encourage your child to bring up any questions they have about adopting. Give them age-appropriate answers and provide support.

Don’t: Tell them how they should feel

Even if it’s well intentioned, it’s never a good idea to say things like, “you’re so lucky we adopted you!” This can cause a complicated blend of emotions to surface. Your child may end up feeling bad because they’ll feel like they should be grateful and may try to suppress any negative emotions.

Ultimately, being open and honest with your child is the best way to talk about adoption. For more information about adoption services, contact Legacy Adoptions.