Adoption and forgiveness – There is nothing to forgive about the loving choice of adoption

“Will my child forgive me for placing them for adoption?” is one of the most common questions our Texas adoption agency receives from expectant parents. Worrying about adoption and forgiveness is normal. This concern is grounded in care for their child’s well-being, a fear of the unknown and a desire for peace for everyone involved.

First, there is nothing to forgive about the loving choice of adoption. You are making the ultimate sacrifice in order to give your child the best life you can imagine for them. Today’s adoptees are better equipped to grow up with that understanding, due to changes in adoption culture over the past 30 years.

Adoptees today are less likely to need to forgive their adoption

Decades ago, many children grew up never knowing who their birth parents were or why they placed them for adoption. Understandably, this secrecy could lead to anger, confusion and grief in early adulthood. This misconception still exists today, leading many expectant parents to wonder if their child will ever forgive them for their adoption.

Many important differences exist today that have changed the way children think about adoption.

• Children do not remember “finding out” they were adopted. Their birth story is brought up early, naturally and frequently. They often later voice, “I always knew I was adopted.”
• Positive, healthy adoption language is used in the house. The names of birth parents are known, used and uplifted (i.e., “Michele is an amazing artist,” or “Brandon swaddled you so well in the hospital.”) Pictures of birth families are often displayed in the house.
• Children and birth parents continue to communicate, via pictures, letters, emails or even in person. Many expectant parents write letters to their children during pregnancy, explaining their adoption decision to them.
• Children feel the freedom to ask their parents questions about their adoption. Parents have the wisdom to always use grace when talking about birth parents (such as, “It was so hard for Tracy to place you with us, but she did it out of love for you.”)

Because children understand their birth parents, they often do not feel the need to forgive them. In fact, they may feel grateful for the difficult decision they made on their behalf.

Worrying if your child will forgive your decision is a normal part of the adoption process. Legacy counselors provide honest and loving support. Call our Texas adoption agency today at (817) 784-7579.