“Thank you so much for coming out last night!! I love the heart God has given you to reach these girls and helping them choose life!! You are truly a blessing!!”
“I attended the meeting that you spoke at for LifeTalk last Thursday night in Frisco and wanted to thank you so much. You did a great job sharing about adoption and we could tell from your words, that you have a passion and such a big heart for these Moms. Thank you so much for sharing Thursday night and we really appreciate you taking the time to come speak. Adoption is very close to our hearts and we pray that LifeTalk is able to point many girls in that direction, if it’s the best decision for them and their babies.”
“We have been busy training new volunteers and the client numbers are picking up. We are expecting more abortion minded clients this year because of having the internet as a referral source.We would like for you to come do an adoption training session again…maybe at the Marble Falls Center this time”
“Would you be interested in providing an adoption training to our volunteers (both new and seasoned) sometime this month? I was thinking perhaps a Tuesday, because I have two consistent new volunteers who I can at least guarantee will be there. I have a few other new volunteers in training,” horrible living conditions, and little food to eat made me depressed so quickly. I felt very alone in a very cold state of being.
Right before I graduated, I was seeing the nurse quite often (during my first trimester). She handed me a card for an adoption agency to call if I ever decide to go that route. I remember feeling like I knew that would be best, but pride told me that I could somehow make it work. As time kept rolling and my stomach got bigger, my situation seemed to be getting worse in all areas. With a leap of faith and letting down my pride, I called this organization and was assigned a counselor/case worker. As the process went on I decided full heartedly that I needed to place my baby for adoption. After months and months of counseling, planning, picking out a family, and getting to know them, time for delivery drew near.
Out came this beautiful healthy baby boy they named Canon. My heart was full of love, yet crushed. I only held him once in the hospital. I refused to get more attached than I already was from carrying him 9 months. When I held him, I asked to be alone and I sang him my favorite Elvis song. I wanted to hollow myself so much, but who could you resist the love I felt for this fragile, precious little person that looks so much like me and has been with me through the hardest moments of my life?
Three days after delivery was the signing. It was time for me to sign over legal rights; it was the hardest thing I ever had to do. After the last document was signed, we had a ceremony to end my 9-month journey. I picked Canon up and placed him in his mom’s arms. We said our last goodbyes. I remember seeing them drive off. I felt empty. On one hand, I made a couple extremely happy, giving them a gift that meant so much, but there was that part of me hurting. It was that grieving of what felt like a loss in the family. I went to bed that night in tears.
Fast forward to present day, the pain is almost completely gone. When I first gave him up, I went through a period of grieving and sadness. After that came a long period of anger and resentment towards myself as well as other people in my life. Throughout those hard times though, I received pictures and phone calls from the adoptive family to update me on how he was doing. It was a very open adoption from the beginning, which allowed me to find acceptance easier. The past is irreversible. There is no rewind button to push to change the choices I made and the results that followed. Seeing all these photos they sent me, with love on their faces, and seeing the things that I just could not provide for him, reassured me that everything was ok. I made a mistake (by getting pregnant), but God took that mistake and turned it into an evident blessing.
