“Our lives are performance art for the people we think we have to appease and impress. Our minds are so entrenched in what we think other people think we can’t work through our madness and passions and packed up sorrows. We can’t give air to our fears and desires if they’re not a scene of the show, so we don’t. How can we ever know what we really want, what really feels right, when we’re too afraid to know ourselves at all?” Powerful words. To me Facebook is the biggest “scene of the show” now days. A place to put the pretty picture of our lives for everyone to see, rarely is it a true reflection of our lives. You don’t post pictures of yourself or family in moments of sorrow, or anger, failures, desperation, or any negative light. Sometimes people (myself included) post complaints or illusive and cryptic messages: cries for attention or pity. This being said, I’m sure what I’m about to tell you may comes as a shock to some of you.

It’s hard to admit when you have done something wrong, and even harder to admit failure. Especially when a great deal of effort to avoid failing is made, and the desire to succeed is so strong. Realizing you can’t escape negative consequences is sobering, and the bigger the mistake or failure the bigger the consequence. When consequences effect not only yourself, but also the people closest to you, is when you have to make some really hard choices about how willing you are to let the ones you love the most pay for your wrongs. Most of the time those loved ones are willing to bear the cost, because they love you. But when that person is an innocent child incapable of choosing or even understanding, sometimes one has to decide not to allow them to bear it.

Some of you may have been privy to some of the struggles I have been through in the recent past. Many of these were direct result of my own bad choices and mistakes, or refusing to see the reality of situations instead of fantasy. Many more were not my fault at all, and inflicted upon me both intentionally and unintentionally by people in my life. Others were simply bad luck or chance. For around a year now, I have been working very hard to repair and get my life back in order. Despite those efforts, recently my situation became truly destitute. Homeless. Income-less. Rock bottom.

I’m not here to air my dirty laundry or point a finger. I’m not here to confess or explain all the reasons. I’m here to tell you about a very hard choice me and Jason have made TOGETHER, for the benefit of our daughter Gracie Marie. April 14, 2015, 68 days after our beautiful baby was born, we let a wonderful, successful, loving husband and wife who are unable to have children adopt Gracie Marie. It is a choice we have considered for a while, not a split second decision. It was not made out of selfishness, NOT choosing this would have been selfish. Both myself and Jason, wish with all our hearts that circumstances would have been different. This was not because we are incapable or didn’t want to raise her, the reality of the situation is this was the better choice for her sake. It was life changing. Heartbreaking. Selfless. Loving. Educated. Debated. Necessary. Depressing. Happy. Both the best and HARDEST choice either of us have ever made. But I KNOW WITHOUT A DOUBT it was the right choice. Will love you forever Gracie.”