Legacy Adoption Services

First Meeting with Adoptive Parents

First meetings with adoptive parents can be awkward but Legacy can help

“What if they don’t like me?” “What if I don’t like them?” “Are we going to have anything to talk about?”

Ever been on a first date with someone you’ve only ever talked to through technology? If you have, you probably asked these questions (and many more) in the days/weeks leading up to the date. You probably agonized over all the “what if” situations that your brain could conjure up.

This awkwardness and uncertainty is even more magnified when the “date” is between an expectant mother and the couple she has chosen to adopt her unborn child. There seems to be a heightened sense of pressure when the success or failure of the adoption plan feels like it will be decided by the meeting.

Everyone take a deep breath.

While it is natural to want to make a good impression, it is important to try and take some of the pressure off yourself. Both parties are going to be extremely nervous, so remember to relax and be yourself. You will most likely have an options counselor or other third party member at the meeting with you who will be working hard to make sure the conversation can get going again if there is a lull. If you want to avoid the lull, try coming up with topics or questions beforehand that you can fall back on if the conversation seems to be slowing down. Talk about hobbies, TV shows, sports, music, etc. Ask questions about each other’s families, jobs, favorite foods, and goals. Try to avoid topics related to money or payments altogether.

Be honest. Don’t be afraid to answer questions truthfully; not doing so could lead to pain down the road. Try not to force things. If it doesn’t seem like you agree on a lot of things, that’s okay! Don’t panic just because your hobbies and interests don’t seem to line up. Get to know each other as people; leave the rest of the expectations out of it.

Most of all, it is important to remember that the reason both parties are there is because you all have the unborn child’s best interest at heart. Be compassionate, kind, and patient. Remember to take deep breaths, and that everything is going to be okay!

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