Telling others about adoption plans can be tricky. Legacy can help
For many expectant parents, the idea of telling others about adoption plans is overwhelming. It is normal to fear questions and judgments from the people in your life.
The best way to go about telling others about your adoption decision is to have a plan. The counselors at our Texas adoption agency work with each set of parents, getting to know their needs, personalities and circumstances. Once we create a strategy for telling others, parents are better equipped to have conversations with their friends, family and community members.
Telling friends and family about your adoption decision
When we think about telling others about adoption, we should consider two groups of people. This includes those you know and love, and strangers or acquaintances in the community.
Our Texas adoption agency recommends beginning with the people you believe will support your decision. Below are a few tips we encourage our parents to use throughout the process.
- Use positive adoption language. Educate your friends and family members about the untrue and negative connotations of “giving up a baby for adoption.” Instead, teach them about modern adoption, in which parents lovingly place their baby for adoption. Reassure them that the decision about who will parent your child will be fully yours, and that you will be able to remain updated on (and oftentimes a part of) their life.
- Understand that negative reactions often come from fear. Allow your friends and family members to voice their questions. Try not to blame yourself for their emotions and give them time to process the news. Include your adoption counselor in these talks.
- Allow your team to support you. Telling others about adoption plans will not always be met negatively. There will be those who believe you are making the right choice. Keep coming back to these people and allow them to encourage you when you need support.
- Stand firm. This is your life, and the life of your baby. The decision about what is best for both of you is yours alone. Even if those around you push back on your choice, remind yourself of the reasons why you are choosing adoption.
Telling others about adoption plans
What about the lady in the grocery store who asks when you are due? Or the friend of a friend who asks about the gender of your baby? There is a simple answer to these questions. You do not need to tell others – especially strangers – about your personal adoption decision unless you want to.
We find that giving short or vague responses, followed by exiting the conversation, helps most expectant parents navigate those inevitable questions from strangers. Often, simply telling others when you’re due or that you don’t know the gender is enough to end the inquiry. Sometimes, it helps to have a bank of conversation-ending tricks at the ready, such as checking your phone, changing the subject or saying you’re in a hurry.